Today is a good day for me despite my severe tendinitis constantly sounding in my ears. I really try hard to forget the sound as I let it simply blend into my daily routine. Due to my Vestibular Vertigo disorder (which is the reason my balance is affected), I haven't driven a car in four years also. So, while my spouse is at work, I am simply at home. It is also my summer break from school. The reality of being deaf is that I can't call anyone, nor can I watch the television. Well, okay. I can watch TV but I don't always like to read the Closed Captioning because suddenly becoming deaf, TV just isn't as interesting as it was before.
I miss music, hearing the birds sing, hearing my loved ones voices and last but not least, I miss hearing my own voice. I've always been told that I have an excellent speaking voice only now I can't hear myself speak. Every time I do speak, the reality of never being able to hear again often frightens me. I would love to insert a video right here, however, I don't know enough American Sign Language to communicate with my deaf audience. And I feel that if I were to insert a video here I would feel as though I'm only including my hearing audience. I'm sort of caught in between two worlds. Truth is I've never felt so alone in my life as I do after having become deaf. Writing helps me to embrace and adjust to my new life.
My biggest challenge while being a late deafened adult is communication with the deaf culture as well as the hearing culture. With the hearing culture I'm able to speak but unfortunately I cannot hear them and conversation is immediately cut off. Then when I venture into a deaf event or function, conversation is immediately cut short again because I lack the art of signing. Sure, I can sign things like, "Hi. My name is R.O.Y.C.E.(as I finger spell my first and last name.) What is your name? It's nice to meet you."
Luckily, I have a spouse who supports me while adjusting to this other world. If it were not for my spouse, I really don't think I could have handled becoming deaf. I thank GOD every day for my health and my spouse.
