Having Confidence While Being Deaf

Before I became deaf being confident was rather easy for me. I was more assertive and mostly a positive individual. Since becoming deaf as you can imagine, my positive attitude, assertiveness and confidence soon dwindled. For the first time in many years, I suddenly felt a sense of insecurity about my life and where I was headed. When I observe other deaf individuals, they seem happy in life with all the hopes, dreams and desires that a hearing person has. Only these deaf individuals were born deaf which makes a great deal of difference. Being born into the deaf culture, you learn at a very young age how to communicate using American sign Language. At a young age is also where your parents help guide you to being a more confident person. That is if your parents are deaf as well. But what if your parents are hearing and you as a child are deaf? Makes one wonder how that situation pans out. What I'm trying to say is unless you're born into the deaf culture, it's much harder to become confident because of the new communication barrier that now exists with someone who only now has become deaf. There is a saying in the deaf culture that says, "Technology is our friend." Deaf individuals who are born deaf are use to using a VP (Video Phone) of which I can own but with little knowledge of ASL, a VP would not help me. There are many reasons why my confidence is now lacking.

Often times when I'm in public with my spouse I find myself dependent on my spouse to help me understand what another person (hearing or deaf) might be saying to me. As much as I desire new friends, I'm finding it hard to share myself with others and that's only because I need to learn more ASL.

Lipreading is difficult because people pronounce the same words differently. When someone tries talking with me I immediately tell them I am deaf. But usually they keep right on talking until they realize I'm unresponsive. Being deaf in and of itself gets very lonely especially because I'm caught right in the middle of the hearing vs. the deaf world. By that I mean I can speak unlike someone who's born deaf. I wonder which is harder. Being born deaf and never having heard any sounds in life let alone the spoken word, or becoming deaf late in life having heard lovely sounds and how to speak properly only to have sound taken away by an illness? Go ahead a comment on my blog. I'd like to know your thoughts.